First let me say I can imagine how this was much more exciting on the big screen than on my tv at home. So I will give it some points for "pure cinema brain candy sugar rush" that my experience of it didn't capture.
Second let me say that, against better judgment, I find myself being not completely annoyed by Uday Chopra. It's not his fault they made him dance with wrenches or glued that bandana to his head (a look pulled off more successfully by Zayed Khan in MHN, of course). What worries me most, though, is that I can remember a time, not too long ago, when I found myself warming to a certain other weird-looking actor against my better judgment - one Shahrukh Khan. So I know great things can come of this feeling. I don't expect this case to be one, but still. I'm startled.
Wait! Where are you going? I'm still the same Beth! Come back!
I am no connoisseuse of action films, and what I don't know about which stunts are and are not possible, or how much they cost to do, or how complicated they are, could fill...a very large container - but what the hell is going on here? For example, in the first chase scene that follows the initial stakeout, with Abhishek on the back of Uday's bike, roaring along after the gang, we see Abhishek's bullet knock one of the bad guys off his bike. He bounces along the road, and John A comes up from behind him with a hand extended, implying he will pull him up on to his bike. Then we cut away to Uday and Abhishek, then back to "John A" (face not visible, of course)'s bike, where we see only the head and shoulders of the injured guy in the final stage of settling on behind the driver. I felt completely denied of what might have been a cool stunt if they had actually done it. Cheap! This could clearly have been done with the injured guy crouching by a still cycle, so his head is about at rider's elbow level, then climbing on, with rider's right arm out to the side to appear to be helping but actually just blocking our view. As you know, I often employ the rewind to get a better look at clothes; here I actually did it for the stunt, at least five times, because I could not quite believe what I hadn't seen. And at the event/concert thingy later, is there any way Abhishek could have kept on moving - and concentrating on firing his gun! - after having that many flames on him? The cop-on-fire thing looked cool, but please. And also, a few moments later when he and Uday are fighting, you see his back, and it shows no trace of having been on fire.
Not to get too nit-picky, but I also wonder if in the first big chase he had any grounds to be shooting at them. Did we see the police issue any warrants for these specific people? Did we even see Abhishek identify himself as police before shooting? Do we care? I know, I know. It's just a movie.
- John Abraham's hair - what a curious length. It seems to be dangerously close to the stage that makes most people look like a mushroom.
- Why why why does a "supercop" eat at "Pizza Palace"? (Don't say "so that the criminals, who work there, could glare at him and we could serve up some piping-hot delicious irony.") Supercops deserve superbistros.
- Is Esha Deol in fact talented? I don't see it. I have been informed of her attractiveness, but she could just hold perfectly still and be mute for that, right? I did like the gold spiderweb thingy on her arm during the big dance number.
- I could listen to Abhishek say "shady" over and over.
- The criminals have basketball in their hideout. Sweet! More for my theory on basketballs and conflict.
- World's least-protected casino vault, huh? Since this arc is borrowed from Ocean's 11, why not take some of its enjoyably intricate plotting too?
- How come the girl criminal didn't get to be in the action sequence? That ticked me off.
- I don't know how to say this nicely, and maybe I could lobby this charge at many movies, but as stated above, I haven't seen them: cop, gun, boat, semi, barrels of flaming fuel, anchor.
And now Bend It like Beckham is on and I am so incredibly pleased. I haven't watched it since I began watching Bollywood, and I wonder if that will change how I enjoy it. [Pause to watch movie.] Okay good, the movie is still good. And I teared up when she made her...whatever that was, penalty kick?